I’ve felt so indifferent about a lot of things lately. I used to have so much care for the smallest things, but I just don’t anymore. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad, but almost everything seems trivial now. School has even gotten to the point where it’s trivial, although I’m doing better than ever and I’m not even trying. I’ve felt strange for the past couple of weeks and I can’t quite describe it. I’ve thought about all of this a lot lately and I’ve wondered if it’s because I’m depressed and I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve finally been able to sleep decently these past few days and my appetite hasn’t changed; I was able to eat three platefuls of raw spinach last night.

I used to be so sure of what I was going to do when I was finished with school and I don’t feel that way anymore – for certain reasons. I don’t feel that things are hopeless, but I feel like I’m walking down a corridor heading toward thousands of doors – some locked, some not. For the past two years I’ve not had to think much about what I’m going to do with myself when I no longer have school, because everything seemed to make sense then.

I once heard that a system administrator is the 21st century version of a ditch digger; it was something I scoffed at. Recently, I was told by someone in the industry that it’s not something you want to do your whole life; you’re supposed to have something else lined up. I don’t exactly have that, but the more I think about it, there seems to be some truth to all of this. That’s not to say that I’ve changed my mind about what I want to do when I’m finished (I sure as hell don’t want to program), but there’s always the question of “what if?” I think a lot of this worry stems from my fear of incompleteness. I came across this while talking to someone and it’s kind of strange. I realized that numbers ending in 9 really make me uncomfortable, so much that if I am able to control it, I will increment whatever it is just to make it complete. Maybe this will come in handy at some point. The way things work out is pretty funny.

This week is my spring break and I don’t have much planned other than to swap out my piercings – the bar in my conch for a hoop, and the bar in my tragus for a super-duper titanium one. Oh, I’ve been listening to Mujuice lately. He’s pretty good.